10 ways you are ruining your life: self sabotage 101
When I was in my 20s, I wasn’t happy with my life at all. Every day that went by made me feel more depressed and disconnected from myself. I knew I wanted more out of my life, but I didn’t know how to get there.
All I ever did was go to work and come home. I would have fun with my family on nights and weekends, but I wasn’t doing anything to feed my soul.
At the end of my 20s, I decided that I didn’t want to live my life that way in my 30s. I simply couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to be fulfilled and happy every single day. I wanted to create an elegant and happy life that I loved.
I spent a very long time learning etiquette and elegance, as well as the law of attraction and personal development.
Slowly but surely, my life changed. Now I am the happiest I have ever been. It wasn’t easy, but I made it to the other side.
Now that I am in my mid 30s, it is very easy to look back and see all of the mistakes that I was making when I was younger.
It is abundantly clear that I was actively self sabotaging myself back then. I’ve come to terms with now and I’m writing this post in hopes that it will help other women to change their life as well.
What is self sabotage?
Self sabotage is when your actions are creating obstacles in your life.
Making decisions that will make your life more difficult, pushing you further away from happiness.
The scary thing about self sabotage is that sometimes people don’t even notice that they are doing it, so they are unable to stop. This is what I was struggling with.
Knowledge is power, and the more you know about self sabotage, the more you can identify if you are guilty and make the necessary changes to stop.
Why do people self sabotage?
Lack of awareness
I can’t speak for other people, but for me I simply was unaware of it. I didn’t realize how much I was harming myself and pushing myself further away from the life that I wanted.
I wasn’t taught about self sabotage as a young person (not many people are) and I was unable to identify when it was happening.
Low self worth
If people don’t love and value themselves, they are less likely to make the best decisions for their lives. They feel as though they don’t deserve happiness and they sabotage as a result.
No goals or plan for life
When I was struggling with self sabotage, I didn’t have any goals. Because of this, I didn’t have anything that I was working towards and lived every day on repeat. It was a vicious cycle that I couldn’t break.
Trauma
Sometimes people self sabotage because they experienced trauma that they haven’t healed from. Unresolved trauma can hurt people in more ways than one.
I was self sabotaging because I didn’t have any goals, and because of my destructive behavior, I missed out on some really important years of my life. I will never get that time back, and sometimes when I think about it, I can’t help but be disappointed. Hopefully these tips can help you make necessary changes in your life.
Here are 10 ways you are ruining your life.
1. Focusing on other people
When I was struggling in my life, I noticed that I spent a lot of my time focusing on everyone except myself. I couldn’t get enough of celebrity gossip, youtube beauty community gossip, gossip in the real world, and true crime shows (which are centered around other people and their demise).
All of those had absolutely nothing to do with me or my personal growth at all. Yet I spent many hours per week absorbing this content.
I’ve reflected on this, and I think the reason is because my life was so mundane that I was looking for entertainment from other people’s lives.
There is no reason to be more interested in other people than you are in yourself.
2. Staying in your comfort zone
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone”
If you go to work, have the same friends, vacation at the same place, live in the same area for years etc. You are in your comfort zone. You are not exploring anything new and there is very little room for growth in this stage of life.
You might be ruining your life by not broadening your horizons and breaking out of your bubble. Once you leave your comfort zone you will meet new people and try new things.
This is where you begin to learn more about yourself and what makes you happy.
3. Not having any standards
Not having standards as a woman is OUT. In order to thrive in today’s world, you must have standards for yourself and the people you surround yourself with.
You can’t live your life with just anyone doing anything. There has to be some sort of standards. The same way companies have standards for the way.
High standards are associated with high self worth and self respect. This also shows that you desire a certain type of experiences.
4.Wasting money
Did I mention that when I was struggling in my 20s I also didn’t have any money? Not only did I have money, I didn’t have any knowledge of how to manage properly and I very much fell into the trap of wasting money on unnecessary things.
I remember buying lots of junk food, going shopping for clothes I never wore, not saving money and certainly not investing it. It wasn’t until I got older that I started reading personal finance books and learned how to save and invest money.
Additionally, I had a very negative relationship with money and had to do a lot of work to reframe my entire money mindset.
Wasting money is one of the top ways women self sabotage. With the rise of social media came a lot of unnecessary consumerism and it is easy to shop when you are feeling stressed.
Purchasing something new gives a little hit of dopamine that doesn’t last very long, and then you are stuck with items that you don’t use and didn’t really need.
You have to learn how to be responsible with your money and educate yourself about money.
5. Maintaining toxic relationships
Some people are toxic. There is no way around that. Sometimes it can be hard to separate yourself from toxic relationships because you have developed a relationship with people and you would feel guilty to remove them from your life.
Sometimes the people who are toxic are part of your family. This ads a layer of difficulty to separate yourself as well.
The truth is, when you are living in a life of self sabotage you probably won’t be bothered by these people.
The minute you gain knowledge and being to make changes to your life, you will naturally start to outgrow your toxic relationships and it will be easier to distance yourself.
6. Not having goals
What are you working towards in your life? What are your goals? When was the last time you wrote your goals down? Have you ever made a vision board?
If you don’t have a good answer to any of these, you don’t have goals. This means you are simply living life day to day. I call those people ‘floaters’.
When you don’t have goals, you aren’t working towards anything and it causes you to remain in your comfort zone and never experience personal growth.
7.Worrying about things you can’t control
It is normal to worry about things, you are only human. When you start worrying about things that are far beyond your control it becomes an issue.
You can’t control the weather and you can’t control the actions of other people. Wasting time worrying about these and other things far beyond your control will take too much of your mental energy.
8. Not living in flow
When I learned about the law of attraction, I learned about how to live life in flow with the universe. One of the way people self sabotage is by forcing things in their life instead of simply flowing with life.
The best example is staying in a relationship that is toxic or no longer serving you. At some point, you will realize that this person you are in a relationship (friend, spouse, even job) isn’t good for you anymore.
Some people will stay, citing a number of reasons why they can’t leave. The most common being ‘I don’t want to start over’
The truth is life comes in chapters. Sometimes people and opportunities are only supposed to be in your life for a couple of chapters. If you can help it, do not stay in situations that aren’t serving you.
9. Being completely disconnected from yourself
I read something a long time ago about how society is created to disconnect us from ourselves.
- Healthcare simply band aids the situation instead of focusing on preventative care.
- Television is designed to distract you.
- The news divides you.
- The system is designed to keep you poor.
- Social media shortens our attention span, keeps our attention, has us focusing on everyone else’s lives, makes us self conscious about our body.
Because society is designed to keep people disconnected, you will have to put in extra work to stay connected with your inner self.
You can achieve this by prioritizing health and wellness. Finding your true passions and doing what feeds your soul.
10. Lack of elegance/etiquette
The last way you are ruining your life is by a lack of elegance and etiquette. If you don’t know
- How to carry yourself with grace
- How to have good conversation
- How to be a good host
- How to dress well
- How to make a good first impression etc.
You are doing yourself a disservice. To level up your life you need to develop certain skills. These skills can be used to take yourself to the next level. You can meet new people, experience new things, create new opportunities and connect with your soul.
Elegance is much more than the clothes you wear. Starting my elegance journey was the start of an incredible upward spiral where one thing led to another in the most positive way.
I first learned about how to carry myself > which inspired me to manage my money better > that led to me wanting to create better habits > that inspired me to try new things and start new hobbies > and I could go on with this list forever.
Elegance is crucial to changing every aspect of your life.
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