The art of the conversation: 10 Ways to make people love talking to you

Does the thought of walking into a room full of strangers send you into a panic? We’ve all been there. Attending a baby shower where you only know the mother-to-be. Attending an event full of people you don’t know, having to make small talk with someone and not knowing what to day.

What if you weren’t nervous to speak to people you don’t know? What if you could walk into a room and feel not just ready, but eager to speak to new people?

The reason why you are intimidated to talk to people is because you were never taught actual communication skills. As a result, the thought of going up to a total stranger and striking up small talk is the most preposterous thing in the world.

I used to be that way. In fact, when I went to a party or event full of people I didn’t know I would make it a point to not talk to people.

I thought that since I most likely would never see these people ever again, there was no point in wasting time talking to them.

1.Break the Ice

You’re at an event and it’s time to approach someone that you’ve never met…what do you do?

• Start with a simple greeting: Hello! I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m (your name)
• Find common ground: So how do you know (mutual friend)
• Give a compliment: I love that dress, where did you get it?

2.Make eye contact and be present

Avoid distractions while talking. You don’t want to seem like you are in a hurry or uninterested in what someone is saying. Always give them your full attention and remain engaged in the conversation.

3.Compliment

Everyone loves a compliment, but let’s take it up a notch. Instead of a simple “You look cute!” go for hyper-specific ones like:
💖 “OMG, your eyeliner is SHARP, teach me your ways!”
💖 “You have such a fun vibe—I bet people love being around you!”
💖 “I swear, you tell the best stories. I’m obsessed!”
Flattery gets you everywhere, babe. 😉

4. Don’t ask them what they do for work

Most people ask this question first. This eventually makes someone go on autopilot mode because they are always asked this question. Ask them what is their passion, what are they working on right now, what are their biggest goal right now.

These questions will seem weird at first because everyone is always asked what they do for work, asking a different question will set you apart from others and get the conversation flowing.

5. Ask them open ended questions.

Don’t ask people simple yes or no questions. This makes it easy for the conversation to end and doesn’t give an opportunity to create a connection.

6.Avoid controversial topics

I always avoid talking about religion and politics whenever I’m meeting someone for the first time. You never know what other people’s beliefs are, and most times you don’t need to know these things on the first meeting.

7. Remember their name

I must admit that I am not very good at remembering names. I don’t know why, but I can repeat their name and then forget it afterwards. If you are like me, you have to work hard to remember someone’s name.

If you do remember their name, always use it to close out the conversation. “I’m so happy I ran into you Ashley, I am always delighted to speak with you.”

8.Have responses ready

People will always ask you what you do for work, what you have been doing lately, and other common questions.

It is helpful to be prepared to have answers for the most common questions you are asked. Think of one positive thing about your job so you can mention it when you are asked about work.

Remember your most recent positive experiences and be ready to share them when someone has asked you how you have been doing lately.

9.Don’t Overshare

This is especially important if you are meeting someone for the very first time. I think it is very easy to overshare when you aren’t taught how to have good conversations. You can easily start to spew off things that you really shouldn’t be sharing.

10.Always end on a high note

Leave people feeling good! Whether it’s a heartfelt “I loved talking to you!” or “Can’t wait to chat again soon!”—a sweet ending makes you memorable.

11. Use the FORM method

Run into someone you haven’t seen in a while and don’t know what to say? Use the FORM method.

F is for Family. First, ask someone about how their family is doing.

O is for occupation. Ask them how their job is going

R is for recreation. Ask them if they have been doing anything fun recently

M is for message. This is your closing message to them. Always end it on a high note and let them know it was a pleasure speaking with them!

Final thoughts

Learning how to become a better conversationalist will give you the confidence to speak to people and not feel like hiding in the corner when you walk into a room.