Breaking social norms to achieve success.
When I was in high school, I always heard my peers talking about what college they were going to and what they wanted to be when they graduated. I always found this interesting because I never had a desire to attend college.
I am a creative person, doing things that spark my creative side and allow me to express myself was what I was really interested in.
The internet wasn’t as big in the early 2000’s and I knew that I didn’t have the same interests as everyone else.
I had been taught as a child that the proper way to live life was grow up > go to college > get a career > work until 65 > retire
I always hated this idea and I knew it wasn’t the plan for me. However, I ended up having my children at a young age so I decided to go to college to make a career for myself.
It failed. Then I spend years in student loan debt until just last summer when my student loans were forgiven due to my school being fraudulent.
When I became an adult, I realized that there is more to life than keeping up with the Joneses. I also realized that elegant ladies often don’t follow social norms and like to create a path for themselves. Let’s talk about it.
Society
When I say society, I suppose I am talking about the education system in America (because that’s where it all started for me) and then the news, social media, and people around us who adhere to society’s standards.
Social Norms…
Up until the last 3 years of my life, I hate to admit that I lived a life somewhat dictated by the social norms that have been created for me. I had children, got married, have a house, went to college (for a year), worked a full time job, all of it. But you know what? I wasn’t happy. In fact, I was miserable.
College put me in debt. Working a full time job made me exhausted, we didn’t travel enough, we didn’t know how to manage our money, we were kind of just…existing instead of living.
I’m not saying that the way I lived my life was society’s fault, but I am saying that it took me getting pretty darn depressed before I decided to turn my life around, go against social norms, and create the life of my dreams.
These days my life has changed more than I could have ever known. I have to say that I am happier and healthier than I have ever been. I also feel more free. And I want you to wake up like I did and take full control of your life. I’m going into detail about the social norms that I broke in order to improve the quality of my life.
1. Lack of Financial Education
SOCIETY
Being out of high school over 10 years, one thing I learned from my High School experience is that I didn’t really learn much of anything. I learned CPR once in gym class and that was really the only thing that was truly valuable for me.
I know that everybody’s experience in high school is different, but one thing I know is that most students don’t learn basic financial education. Things might be different now as I graduated from high school 11 years ago, but when I finished high school I didn’t know anything about saving money, taking out loans, investing money, none of it. But when you leave high school and start college you are expected to be out on your own…so I don’t know how that makes any sense.
I spent my late teens and early 20’s mismanaging my money and just plain making terrible financial decisions that I would eventually regret. Partying and enjoying life was the only thing that my friends and I cared about. A terrible waste of the precious time and money that I was given in those years.
I lived nearly 10 years in the dark about financial education and proper money management. I ended up going to school and not finishing, having a baby, working a 9-5 and living paycheck to paycheck.
SUCCESS
2 years ago, I started getting serious about my money. I did something that I wish I had done when I was in high school. I started educating myself on money. I read tons of books, listened to podcasts, watched you tube videos and anything else I could get my hands on.
I highly suggest that you do the same. While most people are watching netflix and trash videos in youtube all day you should reading books, studying the world’s wealthiest people, listening to podcasts, and following financial education accounts on social media. I promise it will change your life.
2. Going to college
SOCIETY
For decades society has told us to graduate high school and go to a four year school to get a degree so you can get a good job so you can live a good life.
There is so much pressure for young adults to get into a good college and there is pressure on parents to have kids that make it into prestigious schools, so other people around them can be impressed.
But times are changing, and I am not a fan of college immediately after high school for a number of reasons.
The first reason is debt.
When parents don’t have enough money to pay for their kids to go to college, it becomes the student’s responsibility to foot the bill.
I know this because I was in this position. I decided to go to college because I thought it was the only way to make something of myself. I took on a huge amount of debt under the impressions that I was going to an amazing school that would have tons of opportunities for me when I graduated.
Taking on so much debt at the age of 19 was life changing and I am still paying for it today even though I only completed one year of school.
The best part is that the school I was attending actually got shut down because of shady practices. How crazy is that?
The second reason is that sometimes you don’t know what you want to do with your life right out of high school
Out of all the friends I have, I only know 3 of them who actually stuck with the same plan they had in high school. Life is so unpredictable and making the decision to go to college can be super risky if you aren’t sure what you want to do with the rest of your life.
SUCCESS
College is a huge decision. You should always be well educated on the debt your are going to take on before you sign the agreement.
If I could go back I wouldn’t have gone to school and I advise anyone who isn’t 100% sure about what they want to do with their life to take a year off and just live life.
Make smart choices with your money during that time, maybe travel around before worrying about college.
These days, more and more people are breaking social norms and getting jobs from utilizing social media to share their skills with the world and I love that!
3. Designer items
SOCIETY
I don’t think society has ever been more judgmental that it is today. With social media ruling these days, people are under more pressure to look, act, and spend better than others.
It can be easy to fall into this trap, because many people say that social media likes have a major impact on their mental health.
Society as a whole is moving towards cartoon style bodies, picture perfect moments on Instagram, designer handbags, clothes, and shoes, and other high ticket things.
I actually read and article the other day about a person who had accumulated $10,000 of debt traveling the world just to keep up with others on Instagram. I had no idea that this kind of financial irresponsibility was a thing, but it is.
SUCCESS
Successful people aren’t worried about fitting in with the rest of society. They are worried about minding their own business, making money, and creating wealth and happiness for themselves in a logical way.
They don’t spend tons of money on Gucci and Prada that they really can’t afford. They don’t put themselves in credit card debt to keep up with their peers.
Successful people understand how to make money, save money, they have mastered the art of understanding and appreciating delayed gratification and they do their own thing in life.
Instead of spending time comparing themselves to others on social media, they are reading books, listening to podcasts, and expanding their education and increasing their knowledge.
4. Financing everything and taking on debt
SOCIETY
This is something that I see on a regular basis. People financing EVERYTHING. Cars, credit cards, vacations (on credit), home repairs, getting personal loans, just taking on SO MUCH DEBT LIKE IT ISN’T A BIG DEAL.
I also see a lot of people living well above their means and thinking that it is ok. Driving cars they can barely pay for, having houses that they can’t afford to live in, buying stuff for their kids that they can’t afford, just living an over the top life without the over the top budget.
We live in a society where people are always competing with each other. It also is a huge status issue also. People want to be perceived a certain way and they think material possessions are the only way to prove themselves.
And guess what? It never ends well. It’s as easy as signing an agreement to get access to money, cars, a home, etc. But once that paper is signed the financial responsibility is yours to bear no matter what happens.
SUCCESS
I had to learn this the hard way, but even though financing things is an instant gratification thing. And once you pay interest, you end up paying more money than you would if you just paid cash.
Now I know it’s harder to pay cash for high ticket items, but when it comes to small things like furniture, electronics, vacations, etc, it is way better to save up money and purchase these things with cash.
Successful people live below their means in every aspect of their lives. It doesn’t mean that they don’t have fun, they just know how to plan for what they want instead of taking on debt to get it.
They save their money so that when they need something, they are able to purchase it without an issue.
5. Working until 65
This is perhaps the biggest and most important of the social norms that everyone should examine.
Society
I’ve always heard a person around the age 45-50 as middle aged. I never really thought anything of that until recently when I was online and saw a tweet saying something that shifted my entire perspective of life.
The tweet basically said that The average age of an American person is 76 years old. That means that middle age is actually 38 years old.
In just 4 years, I will be 38 years old. My life is almost halfway over.
I should also mention that when you 65 and beyond, you probably won’t be able to do all of the things you could do when you were younger. Some people will face health problems at this age.
The thought of working the traditional 40 hours per week every single week until you are 65 years old doesn’t sit well with me.
Success
To go against society when it comes to retirement, you will have to create a more complex plan for your life. How long do you want to work? What are your retirement plans? Do you have any retirement savings accounts started? Is there anything that you can do now to start living instead of working all the time? Start a hobby? Travel more?
Whatever you do, don’t just blindly follow what everyone else is doing. You have the power to create your own path in this world.
Final thoughts
The moral of this story is that you do not have to try and fit in with the rest of society if you don’t want to. In a time where it is easier than ever to compare yourself to other people and how successful they are, it is important to remember that everyone’s journey is different.
